photo by askinyourface.com
I was halfway through venting to a girlfriend today about my exhausting schedule of Mother’s Day parties for my boys, homeschool testing for my daughter, coaching track, and the birth of yet another litter of pet bunnies…when I stopped dead in my tracks. I actually heard myself. My friend, who deeply desires a baby of her own, was nothing but supportive and encouraging to my rants, but I had forgotten. I had forgotten that particular Mother’s Day nine years ago when I woke up feeling hollow because…just days before there had been life in my womb. Even though I had already been blessed with a daughter, it was the loss of this unborn child which defined my holiday.
As mothers were celebrated all around the world, my heart ached in a place that was lonely…longing to hold that baby just once. Mother’s Day felt so…in-my-face. I lost two more babies before being blessed with my sons. That broken place in the depths of my soul never returned to the normalcy I had previously known. I was changed, less naive, and different. You see, there is a piece of me that is forever bruised. It is the tender place from which tears can come without notice…that place that allows me to cry with a woman I don’t know because I understand her longing for a baby of her own.
I looked back into the eyes of my friend and apologized for forgetting the blessing behind my hectic schedule. Her eyes filled with tears and then so did mine. We held each other with that understanding of loss and longing. So today my heart remembers that, although I will be uplifted in celebration on Sunday, there is a darker side to Mother’s Day, one which often gets overlooked, and behind it is a woman who needs a hug.
thehouseofhendrix 
Yes thank you for saying this Allison. Once you have lost a child, once you have lost a mother, Mothers Day becomes a very different space, one in which I like being mostly alone.
Thank you! It is so easy to forget the longing. I too have lost two babies, and even though I have 3 here with me I still mourn for those. I know Mother’s Day must be so hard on so many who don’t have a baby to hold, or who have one, but should have had more.
Please consider, too, those who have LOST their mothers… how THEY feel.
EVERY day is Mothers Day, whether you are a mother or a child or both. Just like every day si Earth Day (are we going anywhere else?)
Love, be loved, give, as whatever you are, to whoever you are called. Don’t let a holiday conjured up as a way to get us to consume more than we need or want materially blind us to the real thing… which is daily.
Love your comment “Love, be loved, as whatever you are, to whoever you are called”. Thank you
I LOVE what you said and agree wholeheartedly. Mother’s Day; Father’s Day, etc. is truly the daily, sacred mundane. It’s not one day out of the year, but every day that influences my husband and son. Thanks for the perspective.
I know every Mothers Day that week before I start tearing up and as it gets closer the tears keep coming. My Mother and I were like sister and we did so much together. You never stop missing them.
Another place to be more thoughtful and considerate……There are many things that cause mothers hearts to ache on this day. In my case it is that of an estranged child. An adult who has children of her own but has barely spoken to me in many many years. I dont know why. It is just this way until she is ready to change it. I have done all I can. I have seen this happen many times to mothers of adult children. It is heart breaking and a loss of a child that is still living.
Thank you.
I’ve never lost a child. My “mother”, the one who gave birth to me, the one who I lived with while I was growing up, was never a mommy to me. Never nurtured me, told me she loved me. Didn’t play with me. Didn’t create a bond between us. It was known I was an accidental pregnancy. So although she lives and breathes air. Mothers day to me, is a dark day because of the pain I feel for that nurture I never got. Lots of views on mothers day.
so sorry Janice you certainly deserved better. sounds like a case of ‘good kid, bad mom’. May you find ways to give yourself what you need and thoroughly celebrate it! Your voice and message is so important as it represents the sad reality for more children than we care to admit to. Perhaps hearing from you will help a few of us pay more attention and give a bit extra where there seems to be a drought on the mother-side. thanks for sharing.
Janice, my heart is so sad reading that you never had a mommy to love on you growing up. I hope somebody was placed in your life to fill the void left by her. I pray God’s hand was upon you in the form of comfort and protection. You must be a strong woman to have overcome such pain. Praying for your continued healing.
It is so easy to forget those that wish to be in our place, enjoying the special day. I too lost a couple before being blessed with my 2 girls.I feel lucky
Thank you for reminding me of what a sad day it is for those that long to be mothers. I lost 2 before being blessed with my daughters….I have a mother that loves me and nurtures me.
xxx
Thank-you this is so true…it can also be very hurtful when people make comments like oh you don’t want children? and such. They have no clue!
NICE 😀
I don’t think anyone can truly understand the pain, the outright sorrow of losing a pregnancy – losing that LIFE within you – accept for another woman who has been through it herself. Yes, I have children and I love them beyond knowing. But what of the four babies I lost? They are just as much my own, my children and my heart as those who are living. And yet no one can understand why my entire being suddenly clenches when I see tiny baby shoes, when a day goes by that was supposed to have been a due date, or, saddest of all, reliving the memories of burying a little wooden box with my child inside under a blossoming tree. Mothers give so much; sometimes irrevocably. And you’re right – that loss leaves a place that is forever bruised. Thank you for your words.
Oh Melinda, thank YOU so much for sharing. If you were here, I’d give you a knowing hug. Blessings!
Thank you for your post. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for 4 years, so I feel the void. But it is helpful when mothers remember that sisters & aunties feel sadness in the midst of celebrating them.
Thank you! Thank you ! That post was so wonderful. Nobody can really understand how it feels to deal with infertility. I have dealt with it for 16 years. You try so hard to be thankful for all the other moms but secretly inside you wish somebody would just do what you did, stop and you give a hug. Thanks to a miracle of God I can now say that my husband and I are going to adopt our beautiful boy that we have been fostering for 2 years this Friday!!!!! So to all of you who have a void in your heart because of infertility please don’t give up on your dream to become a mom. Just know that when God closes one door He always opens another!! Keep your heart open to the possibilties of seeing your children one day!!
Precious Stephanie, your story just brought tears to my eyes as I read it aloud to my husband. I am SO filled with joy to her about the adoption of your SON!!! I have so many questions i wish i could ask, like his name. Your story is an encouragement to many as we can now see God’s hand orchestrating the union between you and your son. Blessings to you. Will be thinking of you this Friday!
His name is now Calen James.Our adoption is complete! What was a wonderful experience that felt as if I gave birth to him. God has been very good to us!! What i think is pretty amazing is that we have been foster parents for 3 yrs. Before Calen came into our life I wanted to stop being a foster parent and basically accepted that I would just be the best aunt that I could be and then the call came for a newborn baby boy. When the placement person put him in my arms I knew this baby was different. He didn’t feel like a foster child if you can understand what I mean. All children are precious ,but as foster parents you always know that this child is not your own. But boy did God have other plans for this one!!!. Thanks for your kind words.
Today was a very special day that I will cherish for the rest of my life! All I can say is Thank You Jesus for answered prayer!!!!!!