For two weeks, I’ve been driving around town with Nerf gun bullets on the outside of my windshield. I forget that they are there until people stare, point, pretend to shoot at me, and ultimately laugh. Other kids get a kick out of them in the car-line at school, particularly the high-school students.
Let’s back up a bit. My children have been fighting in the car recently. It drives me crazy. I’ve tried time outs, loss of privileges, pulling the car to the side of the road, strategically seating my children away from one another, and even positive reinforcement tactics. Somewhere between their close proximity to one other and a few sensory issues (mostly mine), that stuff just isn’t working for us.
“You’re breathing too loud!”
“You crossed the line onto my side of the seat!”
“Stop humming to the music.”
What ultimately ends the fighting is my mean-mommy-voice yelling “ENOUGH! I’VE HAD ENOUGH!”
Here’s the thing, I don’t like yelling, nor want to. I truly believe there is always a better option…but sometimes I just can’t find that solution in the parenting books.
So a few weeks ago when my youngest shot my windshield with a Nerf bullet in protest to my new rule of ‘No Eating in the Car’, I had an idea. I explained to my three children, that I would leave that Nerf bullet on the windshield if they didn’t fight on the way to school.
Guess what? Nobody fought. In fact, they laughed, were kind and complimentary to one another, and acted as if they were on the same team. The ride home from school that day was the same way. With dark clouds in the sky, they chatted for 30 minutes about what would happen to the Nerf bullet if they windshield wipers went on. Their laughter was contagious.
So the rules to our Nerf Bullet Game were established:
- Every day that you don’t fight, you may add a Nerf bullet to the car.
- Every time you disagree or complain about anything, we turn on those windshield wipers and a bullet is removed.
- You may not relocate somebody else’s bullet without their permission.
- A bullet though may be relocated or removed by mommy at any point.
Not only are my kids not fighting in the car, I’m enjoying listening to them interact and plot the destination of their next bullet.
I’m obviously not suggesting that everybody go put Nerf bullets on their windshield to keep their kids from fighting, but I am suggesting that sometimes we can’t find the answers in the parenting books. We need to stop feeling inadequate that great parenting tools aren’t clicking with our family.
Each family is uniquely designed and made up of specific personalities. Parenting is not one size fits all. What works for me, may not work for you, and that’s ok. I’m learning that sometimes an unconventional idea is exactly what my family needs to push through a tough phase to move on to the next.
Our family was struggling in the car and we needed to break that cycle of fighting because, only then, were my kids at a teachable place to address the deeper issues of respect and tolerance. This game will hopefully not be around in a month, because I’d prefer to drive around town not looking like the victim of a Nerf Attack, but it broke our cycle of fighting and yelling, and has allowed us to engage in more effective conversations about changing the way we treat each other.
So consider embracing that unconventional idea that just might click with your family. You may find your instincts are more effective with your children than anything you read, and that adding a dose of laughter to your area of greatest frustration, opens the door to joy where yelling once reigned.
Allison
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Awesome !!! What a fantastic and creative mommy idea 🙂
Lindsay, I really think I’m just nuts. But laughing instead of yelling at my kids is always good. Hope to see you soon.
LOVE THIS!!! I am tempted to go out and use the Nerf gun on my own car. But I think I’ll look for my kids to give me inspiration for an approach that is tailored to them. Thanks for giving such a great reminder to lookg outside the book!
Kendra, could you imagine if your neighbors walked out as you were shooting your car? So funny. Mine were checking the mail as I was taking the picture for this post. I actually pretending to be taking it of the basketball hoop…as if that is less weird. 🙂
I LOVE this! What a great life lesson! Such a great idea and insight! I love following along with your blog!
Cathy
http://www.threekidsandafish.com
Thanks Cathy. Just popped over to your blog and was drooling over your chocolate chip caramel popcorn. Shared it on Pinterest. Happy Sunday!
you are the most awesomest, coolest, wisest mom around. seriously Alli. you rock.
What? Could you say it again? 🙂 Ellen, I’d actually love to pick your brain on something at some point regarding middle school girls.
You are awesome! Can I join your carpool?
Yes Jennifer, but we are working on keeping our footprints off of the car ceiling. If you can follow that one simple request, we would love to have you. 🙂
So funny and so encouraging at the same time! Thanks for sharing!!
Thanks Jen. We do our best as moms, but lately I’ve had to laugh at the ridiculous things my kids are getting in trouble for. Keeps me humble.
Greatness. Absolutely Greatness.
Kathy, I went to your blog because with a comment like that, I figured you laughed from experience and had some stories of your own. Right i was. So nice to meet you.
Remind me to tell you about going to school with our oldest for 3 weeks when she was 14. She needed an attitude adjustment.
Her daddy and I took turns. He said if he still had one of those 1976 Leisure Suits he’d have worn it for the embarrassment factor…and he would not have been embarrassed. I am more the hair in rollers and house coat type.
Haha. Hilarious
I admit it. We were terrible parents. Until they turned 25. Now they think we are the best. 🙂
How fun! What a creative lesson, I’m going to remember it.
Thanks Deanna. Glad you enjoyed.
This is hilarious! My boys would probably respond exactly the same way. You’re totally right – sometimes we need to think outside the box to get things turned around!
Thanks Sarah. I love reading your blog posts about your boys.
Love it Allison – it’s all about thinking outside of the box in most parenting situations!!
Agreed Melissa! I think we need a parenting bag of tricks where we can whip out a fresh idea from time to time.
Love it! That’s just what I need to do! Or something very similar!
Great thinking! I love creative solutions like this….brilliant! I’m sharing this everywhere!
Thanks so much Amanda!
You make such a great point! Parents need to think outside the box!!
genius, pure genius. this is the kind of parenting that makes for great memories and lasting impressions. so happy to find your blog!!!!
Welcome Kim! So happy to have you here. Glad you like my ridiculous parenting strategies! Makes me smile.
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It’s a great idea! I’m so tired of being asked to mediate and being called mean when I refuse to! This may well be the answer!!