I’m that mom that people in Publix give dirty looks to because her children are playing “Spies” down the aisles. The mom who let’s her kids play with all the toys in Target while she sits on the floor and talks to her sister on her cell phone. I’m the mom that has been known to let her boys pee behind a tree in a semi public place because legistically is seems most efficient. I know, I NEVER thought I’d be her.

Before I had children, I was appalled when I saw wild children in public places running around …I swore my children would never behave that way. I really did. I actually said it out loud to my husband. “Just so you know honey, our children will never act like that. They are going to say Yes Mam and Yes Sir, and know how to properly sit at a restaurant table until each adult is finished”.

Yay, they really don’t. I mean I can threaten them to said desired result but it’s not natural.  And it’s not that I don’t try. It’s that as moms we have to pick priorities and EVERYTHING can’t be a priority. I applaud you moms who have 3 kids in a grocery cart each with their list of items to look for, with a pencil and pad and a plan. You’re doing a great job! (and I’m not being condescending)

I actually channeled that mom for 3 1/2 years when I had my daughter and infant son. I had it together, or at least thought I did in my sleep-deprived state. Then I was blessed with another boy a few months later and well…God thought I needed to loosen up a bit or just wanted a good laugh. I had one was crawling this way, one toddling that way, and a 4-year-old with an opinion on it all.

I had to change or else this idealistic vision of mothering would be the death of me. Every mom is different. Every threshold unique. I was maxed out. There were specific areas I had to loosen up to survive and thoroughly enjoy these early years of motherhood.

6 Ways I loosened up to survive the early years of  Motherhood:

1. Be thankful in the storm. When I feel exhausted and overwhelmed, I look for the blessings around us.  Have you read “1000 Gifts“? The author writes a journal of 1,000  things she is thankful for…the result, JOY.

2. Laugh – Laugh when life is messy, chaotic, or just not going your way. Laughter helped me find perspective in the most frustrating mommy moments. My mother faxed me a paper at work one time which read in giant letters, ‘Don’t let the stress take away your joy’. That totally changed me. {humorous table manners post}

3. Re-Prioritize – My heart wanted to be a great mom to our children…but I just couldn’t do it all. We had to define what the most important priorities were for our family.

Unchanging Priorities: Obedience, Respect, Honesty. These are not the areas where we  loosen up, yet are still our biggest struggle.

Family-Specific Priorities like Serving Others or Having a Strong Family Unit. Defining these helps determine how we choose to spend our time.

Our Fallen Priorities: These are good parenting practices that just aren’t our priority. Keeping my boys clean for instance. It’s impossible. We wash our hands and take baths, but it really ends there. Over the summer they only look clean because we live in the pool, but if I met you at the park for a playdate, you would be baffled. I think of it as their special gift, they know how to play hard…and get dirty.

4. Slow down – This occurred to me one day when I took the kids to Sea World. They were looking at the flamingos, and I pleaded for 5 minutes for them to hurry up so we could go see the dolphins. Who goes to Sea World to see flamingos after all? Suddenly I stopped pushing and just observed. They posed like flamingos for 15 minutes fully convinced that the tourists could not tell if they were a one-legged pink bird or a child.

We never made it to Shamu that day, and I can’t recall what we actually did see, but they still laugh about all of those “in between moments” that never made the schedule, those memories based on relationship and interaction with each other, those memories that almost didn’t happen because I was rushing for nowhere.

5. Simplify – I simplified the over-the-top birthday parties and put that energy into creating a memorable birthday atmosphere within our home.  I simplified making baby books…actually I quit them altogether but you shouldn’t do that, they’re good to have.  

I guess I just quit trying to make it all look perfect: my kids, my house, my parenting…and as a result we had more room for joy and increased time for laughter.

6. Trust –  I have read more parenting books, heard speakers, and taken parenting classes that I understand the importance of family meals, consistent discipline, fewer activities, more alone time with each child….which is why it’s so easy to feel like a failure as a parent. There’s always something more we could be doing as parents.

But that is exactly where the scriptures changed my heart. They promise that if I ask God for wisdom over my children, He won’t deny it from me. But to truly have confidence in that, meant I had to trust that God would equip me for the children He entrusted to me. When I embraced that truth, the pressure was off. I was enough for my kids. My kids still keep me quite humble on a regular basis, but I take comfort knowing that when I seek God for guidance, He will provide the insight and wisdom I need.

So that’s how I became “that mom”. People still roll their eyes and gasp from time to time, but I’m ok with it. My family is not supposed to look like yours, and we are in fact a bit quirky. But like you, I cherish my children. So if you bump into my Secret Spies in the cereal aisle at Publix, or if I see your children eating chocolate bars for breakfast, let’s give each other a break, and replace those looks with an understanding smile, that we’re each doing the best we can.

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