August 2, 2013 by Allison Hendrix

Stepping Stones of life

Some days I listen to myself and wonder if my husband misses that innocent, fresh-faced girl he married. You know the one, the girl who had a locked gaze on her man, laughing at even his slightest of jokes. She greeted him after work with a giant smile and warm embrace, and followed it up with a foot rub and lousy home-cooked meal. She was determined to love him well. How life prepares us for the good stuff.

Flash forward 13 years, he still gets my lousy home-cooked meal and is secure in my love, but the rest has changed. I’ve changed. My gaze is now divided amongst 3 children, 2 rabbits, unfinished projects and piles of laundry. When he comes home from work, he gets a “Hey Babe. (smooch) I screwed up diner again, should we order a pizza?”

I no longer slink into bed in a silk negligee ready for “theme night”. I fall into bed exhausted. Does he miss that girl from before?

I think we both do! We miss her because she represents a time in our lives when things were simpler. She had time for herself; time to be intentional in both relationships and matters of the home. There were fresh-cut flowers and love notes. There were surprise dates and thoughtful gifts. She was well rested and her mind clear. We both miss her.

I’ve learned though, she was a stepping-stone…a training ground for what was to come. All of that time she took for herself, she was figuring out who she was. Those warm embraces she greeted her man with, they are still there. They just look different. They greet the early risers of the morning and little faces after school. And when she falls into bed exhausted, it’s because she lives a full life, serves her family well, and is doing the best she can.

So although we miss her, we like the new version better. Her love has matured. Her visions of a picture perfect home now replaced by real relationships, often messy, and a love so deep it hurts. And that gaze into the eyes of her man, has roots that have dug deep, persevered, and are grounded in faith. Her gaze now tells a story, her story.

And she’s learned life’s harder, richer, and way better than her doe-eyed dreams.

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August 2, 2013 by Allison Hendrix

Teaching Empathy through Role Play

I have the privilege today of concluding a 5 part series entitled “How to Cultivate Empathy in your Child’s Heart”. Four inspiring bloggers have written posts each day this week on the topic. Each shares their unique perspective and method to exploring empathy with children. Links to their articles are at the end of this post.

At the moment, my children could use a little help on matters pertaining to empathy. So I took 3 circumstances that our family has recently encountered, and we decided to switch places through role play.

We’re going to walk in their shoes.
We’re going to record the difficulties, frustrations, and emotions associated with each situation.
Most importantly we want to learn how to respond to our empathy. How are we going to act differently in the future because of it?

role play #1 – A Broken Arm

We took some Pre-Wrap that my daughter uses to make headbands and made some casts securing their arms against their waist. The day continued as usual.

Difficulties and Frustrations with a Broken Arm: (in their words…)

Tough getting dressed
Even tougher brushing my hair & putting it in a ponytail
Only having one hand to play video games
Carrying heavy things like the laundry basket
Not being able to swim with the other kids.
Impossible to tie my shoes
It wasn’t comfortable

What I’ll do next time a friend has a broken arm: I’ll…(kid’s words)

Help them carry their books and backpack at school
If we are at the pool, play a game with them that isn’t in the water.
Open their door or tie their shoes
Braid their hair for them.
Say sorry their arm is itchy and you hope they feel better

role play #2 – Being Blind (or physically impaired)

They took turns covering each others eyes with a scarf. We headed to Target to get school supplies.

Difficulties of a physical impairment like being blind:

People stared at us.
You have to ask for a lot of help
I didn’t know what my brothers were laughing at, and I thought it was me.
I felt like nobody wanted to play with me.
It was hard to find the school supplies I needed.

Even with limited vision, she was still able to swat her brothers.

What I’ll do next time I’m with a friend that is physically impaired

I won’t stare even if they don’t see me. I’ll smile instead.
I will ask them if they want to play with me because they are a lot of games they can still play.
I’ll ask them if they need help finding something or getting somewhere.
If something is funny, I’ll explain what it is, so they don’t think they are being laughed at.

role play #3 No food for Dinner

My youngest swapped out our 3rd role play activity to ‘Having nothing to eat for dinner’. I thought it was an interesting suggestion since so many children in our country experience hunger on a daily basis. That said, only my youngest participated in this one.

Difficulties with having No Dinner:

I’m starving all the time
I’m staring at other people’s food, wishing it was mine
My tummy is making noises

Next time I see somebody who is hungry, I’ll…

Definitely give them some of my food.
Say a prayer that God will provide food and make their tummy not hurt.
Be nice to them because they are probably grouchy.

I participated in this series on empathy because dear friends have walked alongside me through trials, not their own. Their ability to empathize with my various circumstances was seen through overflowing compassion upon me. My soul was ministered to. I want my children to have that type of heart…one that not only finds a way to relate to another, but then responds to it with encouragement, hope or a simple hug.

Check our the other articles in this 5 part series “How to Cultivate Empathy in your Child’s Heart”:

Day 1 “10+ Ways To Use Emotion Cards To Help Your Child Develop Empathy” at Moments A Day
Day 2 “Toilet Roll Empathy Dolls With Free Printable” at The Craft Train
Day 3 “Foster Empathy In Your Kids Through Service” at Pennies of Time
Day 4 “Exploring Empathy Through Art” at Artchoo
Day 5 “Teaching Empathy Through Role Play” at The House of Hendrix

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August 1, 2013 by Allison Hendrix

The Not-So-Perfect 1st day of school

Our not-so-perfect 1st day of school

This picture…yup, it’s from last year. Want to know why? Because today it just didn’t work. Any of it!

Last night, I laid out freshly-cleaned uniforms in each of their rooms. I had lunches made, water bottles filled, and backpacks ready to go by the door. I planned a waffle breakfast and set my alarm clock 30 minutes earlier than necessary to ensure there would be extra time for cuddles and reassurance. I even had our chalkboard sign ready for pictures, like the ones currently flooding my Facebook scroll. So this should be a happy post about the excitement of the first day of school.

But sometimes life just isn’t like that. It’s messy, unpredictable, and you just have to roll with the punches.

We had a good start but the last 10 minutes killed us. My son spilled syrup on that freshly-cleaned shirt. “No problem Sugar Dumpling. Let me get you another shirt.” Yay, we did that 3 times and there was no Sugar Dumping that 3rd time.

Our other son decided kids would think his combed hair looked weird, so he put his hand to the top of his head and made circles until every last piece of hair was stuck in a different direction. Dad reprimanded and brushed it again. Lip quivering with anxiety over what the 1st graders would think, his hand returns to his head only this time evident it had nothing to do with his actual hair. We told him his hair looked cool.

Then my daughter didn’t believe I had really signed her up for Hot Lunch and insisted on seeing the email confirmation before she would get in the car.

When I tried to take that 1st Day of School picture that I have taken every year since birth, the boys fought over who got to hold the sign, that is until the sprinklers went off spraying the chalk lettering. It was only kinda funny at the time.

It didn’t matter how much I prepared last night, today was going to be messy. We had nerves, anticipation, and a drippy eater. I was reminded it’s not my job to make the morning routine perfect, it’s my job to create an atmosphere that when they have their moments of anxiety and insecurity, there is warmth, guidance and grace.

I was once the maid of honor in a beautiful wedding where every detail was perfect. As I went to straighten the bride’s gown mid-ceremony, I knocked the tall glass-encased candles which lined the stairs to the altar. Every eye including my own froze with anticipation as we waited for the shattering of the glass at the bride’s feet. Thankfully it didn’t and there was laughter instead, but the bride’s mother came up to me afterwards and said “Allison, thank you! I had been holding my breath for the perfect wedding and once you knocked that over, I finally exhaled. I knew it wasn’t going to be perfect and I was able to enjoy the moment.” Uh, you’re welcome?

How often does our desire to create a perfect moment for our loved ones get derailed by the unexpected? What my children needed this morning wasn’t another cute picture in front of the house, they needed to know that there was order and certainty to the lunch process. They needed reassurance over an acceptance issue revealing itself through hair. And they needed to know that a little spilled syrup doesn’t have to ruin your day.