May 16, 2013 by Allison Hendrix

Sunday morning Clothing Battle

(Lily was 5. This means her brothers were 1 and 2.)

Church starts in twenty minutes and the mad rush begins. I have laid out a pretty smocked dress from Lily’s closet. I scramble to feed the baby, fill sippy cups for the diaper bag, and dry my hair. I sense the protest from the other side of the house. The stomping gets closer as I hear the words I knew were coming,

“I am not wearing this dress!”

“Yes sweetheart, you are.”

Why?” she says with pleading.

“Because church is the house of God, and when we go there, we honor Him with our hearts and bodies. Our clothes are a representation of that. Your dress is beautiful and appropriate.” She pauses for a moment and then uttered the words which would change our Sunday mornings forever.

“That’s not why you want me to wear this dress. You want me to look pretty for the other moms! You don’t know what God thinks is beautiful on me!”

Bam! There it is. The truth I did not see. My conviction was instant. I had an image of how I wanted her to look on Sunday morning…in a cute dress with a big bow… for the other moms. I cringe writing that, embarrassed to admit it. She’s 5! Could I really be teaching her that her appearance, however fleeting, was the act of worship, not the heart behind it? Did I think I would be perceived as a better mom if my children looked a certain way? Honestly, maybe I would be. Did I really seek that validation?

My eyes tear up and I apologize…not just for this morning but for all the Sunday mornings that we battled because of my pride. I humbly send her back to her room to choose an outfit that SHE thought honoring and pleasing to the Lord.

That was the last Sunday I ever laid out clothes for her. It took a few weeks to overcome my desire to explain the cowboy boots and mismatched outfits, but I eventually found tremendous confidence in not explaining it….because I knew that there was a little girl who truly felt beautiful to her Maker. Over the years her fashion taste has refined and our Sunday rush more peaceful, but when she comes to me seeking affirmation about her clothing, my question remains the same, “Do you feel it honors the Lord?”

So today, when I see a little girl in an adorable dress, I smile at the sweet vision, partly wishing Lily’s dresses had gotten more wear…and when I see a little girl with cowboy boots and a tutu strutting her stuff at church, my heart melts because I know God is looking down on her with great delight…His beautiful daughter twirling like a country ballerina as her act of worship.

It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that should make you beautiful. ⁴No, your beauty should come from inside you—the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. That beauty will never disappear. It is worth very much to God. 1 Peter 3:3-4

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May 10, 2013 by Allison Hendrix

the Darker Side of Mother’s Day

photo by askinyourface.com

I was halfway through venting to a girlfriend today about my exhausting schedule of Mother’s Day parties for my boys, home-school testing for my daughter, coaching track, and the birth of yet another litter of pet bunnies…when I stopped dead in my tracks. I actually heard myself. My friend, who deeply desires a baby of her own, was nothing but supportive and encouraging to my rants, but I had forgotten. I had forgotten that particular Mother’s Day nine years ago when I woke up feeling hollow because…just days before there had been life in my womb. Even though I had already been blessed with a daughter, it was the loss of this unborn child which defined my holiday.

As mothers were celebrated all around the world, my heart ached in a place that was lonely…longing to hold that baby just once. Mother’s Day felt so…in-my-face. I lost two more babies before being blessed with my sons. That broken place in the depths of my soul never returned to the normalcy I had previously known. I was changed, less naive, and different. You see, there is a piece of me that is forever bruised. It is the tender place from which tears can come without notice…that place that allows me to cry with a woman I don’t know because I understand her longing for a baby of her own.

I looked back into the eyes of my friend and apologized for forgetting the blessing behind my hectic schedule. Her eyes filled with tears and then so did mine. We held each other with that understanding of loss and longing. So today my heart remembers that, although I will be uplifted in celebration on Sunday, there is a darker side to Mother’s Day, one which often gets overlooked, and behind it is a woman who needs a hug.

♥ Allison

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May 4, 2013 by Allison Hendrix

Great books for your Tween daughter…about being a tween.

Help your tween/ teen navigate through those ackward years of insecurity and change. My oldest is 12. She is all things first child; rule oriented, orderly, and driven. Over the years her strong will has served her beautifully as she has developed into a compassionate, servant-hearted, and intentional young lady. I adore her.

About 3 months ago we started to notice a few changes in her moods. Because I am homeschooling her this year, I get to experience these swings first hand throughout our days… so I have a vested interest to understand just what is going on inside her head. I was shocked that she felt incredibly comforted when I explained to her that her moods were a result of hormonal changes and were completely normal. Her intellectual mind could handle a physiological explanation much easier than not knowing why she felt so…off.

Because she is quite introverted and loves to read, I knew she’d prefer to fill in the gaps through books. Most of these are from a Biblical perspective but regardless of your spiritual beliefs, I think you’ll find some great insight.

Here is a list of our favorite tween books and affiliate links for your convenience and mine.

10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know – by Kari Kampakis This book is written in a big sister format to your daughter. My daughter has read through it 3 times and gone through it with a small group of friends. It has questions at the end of each chapter. It addresses topics like popularity, their unique design, friendships, and passions. You can read my full review of it here. We loved this book.

Perfectly Unique – by Annie F. Downs The author takes you on a thoughtful, funny and spirit-filled exploration of the way God created you different from every other person in the world, and He did this on purpose! Great perspective addressing body image and each of our unique set of talents. At an age when conformity can be the goal, this perspective can help our daughters build confidence and strengthen their faith through embracing their unique design. My 12 year old loved reading this!

You’re Already Amazing by Holly Gerth – (best suited for moms of tweens or actual teens) We, as moms, need to get our own thinking straight before we can be of any help to them. The author helps you understand and embrace the truth that as a woman, you do not need to do more, be more, and have more—because you are already amazing just the way God created you to be. When my daughter was on a club soccer team significantly above her skill set, principles in this book helped me teach her that she could walk on that field with no fear or apologies. I didn’t need to be nervous either. She didn’t have to be anything more today that she already was. She is Already Amazing! It helped us find that balance of striving to do your absolute best while knowing your identity and worth is not determined by the results.

Graceful – Letting go of your try-hard life by Emily P. Freeman – (I’d recommend this for an older teen or the mother of a tween) – This book is written to the good girl who tries to do everything perfect from sports to schoolwork. It’s also written to the girl who feels like she can’t do anything right. The ultimate message in this book is you don’t have to be perfect. My daughter often strives to be perfect and is discouraged by correction, so this book was a good fit. It is written a little above her comprehension level so we went through it together.

BeTween by Vicki Courtney – My daughter just finished going through this book in small group with her friends. It is a magazine style book filled with articles, games and lists. It’s targeted towards the 8-12 year old reader. The book wisely encourages girls to enjoy being their age rather than succumbing to modern culture’s temptations to grow up too fast. It addresses topics like popularity, friendships, texting, fighting with siblings, and your attitude with your mamma. It’s irresistibly fun and an easy read.

Soul Surfer series by Bethany Hamilton – Have you seen the movie Soul Surfer about a young girl named Bethany Hamilton who had her arm bitten off by a shark while she was surfing? Well, we have…like 30 times! It started a surfing craze in our home. My daughter has read and reread the book and devotionals dozens of times. Bethany speaks teen to teen about overcoming your fears and living out your faith. I ripped out a few pages from the devotional for issues my daughter hasn’t been exposed to yet, but still recommend it.

The Lily Series – by Nancy Rue – (for the younger tween) – We started these because my daughter’s name is Lily and it was just too cool to find something called the Lily series. There are several characters in them who each represent a different type of girl. We were surprised by how applicable these were to everyday decisions. They are short and each book addresses a different topic – “the Uniquely Me book”, “The Body Book”, “The Blurry Rules Book”, “The Walk the Walk Book”

*** NEW*** More books added.

5 Conversations you Must have with your Daughter by Vicky Courtney – From the cradle to college, this book walks you through how to tell your daughters the truth about life before they believe the culture’s lies.

6 Ways to Keep the Little in your Girl: Guiding your daughter from her Tween to her Teens Years By Danna Gresh Studies show that the foundation for an emotionally healthy teen girl is built between the ages of 8-12 and that a good relationship with mom is one of the most important factors. So when the world wants girls to grow up too fast, how does a mother help her young daughter navigate the stormy waters of boy-craziness, modesty and body image, media, Internet safety, and more?

Caring and Keeping of You: the body book for younger girls(American Girl) and now a Volume 2 The Body book for Older Girls. Best Selling books from American Girl. The first volume is for girls 8 and up and answers questions about your changing body, from hair care to healthy eating, bad breath to bras, periods to pimples, and everything in between. Once a comfort level is established, Volume 2 goes into greater details on periods and their changing body as well as addresses topics on peer pressure and social issues.