Lessons I learned when you turned 100

  1. Journaling is an art that should never die. It provides your legacy with an honest glimpse into your soul.
  2. Eating healthy and exercising do not dictate a long life, just as smoking and years of sunbathing do not mean it will be short. 
  3. Even when our minds have forgotten the faces of our loved ones, the site of a child still brings joy to our eyes.
  4. A woman is never too old for nail polish.
  5. I should have asked more questions.

Thelma,

When I met you, I misjudged you. I saw an elderly woman with a strong personality. I saw a woman who smoked and drove a car at 90 years old. I knew you loved cats and feeding peacocks, but I didn’t push beyond that. Maybe we, as a younger generation, are so consumed with ourselves, we have forgotten the legacy from which we came. I did not understand the courage and perseverance behind your choices…because I never really thought about your choices. I failed to see the woman who had lived an extraordinary life.

I just didn’t know until that day we found your boxes of journals, love letters, and newspaper clippings the passions of your heart. You traveled the world. You were a writer. A political activist. An artist. A lover. You were a passionate reader. You rocked a bikini. You were one of “The 3 Drips”, a name referring to your proclivity to being wet at the beach. I am sorry I didn’t know. You were beautiful. You are beautiful!lessons I learned when you turned 100

I wish you could have told me your stories while your mind could still remember. I would have ask you about the love letters and the pro baseball player in California. We would talk about being a delegate in the Nixon administration and visiting the troops in Europe when people didn’t just fly to Europe. Did you take a boat? I want to know what is was like being a single mother at a time when that was frowned upon. I would ask why you thought the church had repeatedly failed you. You walked boldly and your perspective is unique. You made tough choices and great sacrifices. Would you change any of it?

Your life took a major turn when you settled down to be a single mother. You became a librarian. You also smiled less in photographs. I don’t know why you lost your some of your sparkle but if it’s because you gave up a life of wanderlust and freedoms to raise your daughter, I appreciate that sacrifice.

You raised a daughter who knows how to love. I believe love is learned, modeled for us. You instilled this in her. She turned out great and I know this because I married her son. He knows how to love a woman, be a hands on father, and lead a family. Thank you Thelma for the choices you made. So when I asked you earlier if you would change any of it, I hope you say no.

Love from the girl who now paints your fingernails when she visits,

alli

(I wrote this last week, just before grandma passed on Saturday – in loving memory of her)

Lessons I learned when you turned 100lessons I learned when you turned 100

printable “Interview Questions for my Grandparents”

Grandparent Interview Questions | Do your children know the life stories of their grandparents? Let this printable and post encourage you to ask [the House of Hendrix}

Grandparent Interview Questions | Do your children know the life stories of their grandparents? Let this printable encourage you to ask.

Grandparent Interview Questions | Do your children know the life stories of their grandparents? Let this printable and post encourage you to ask [the House of Hendrix}

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Fighting Selfishness in our kids

How to Fight Selfishness in our Children - when we live in a Self-Centered Culture. Why do our kids fight? What is the heart issue behind it? |the House of HendrixAs I watched my children fight over who got the biggest piece of brownie, I wondered what I had done wrong. You see, my children are innately selfish which is compounded by the fact that we live in a culture focused on immediate gratification. Does it ever feel like everything in our society aims at filling our desires quickly? From fast food to Facebook, we do not need to wait or to wonder.

My children do not even know true hunger because I make sure to always have snacks readily available. We don’t want them grouchy, right? What would happen though if I taught them to wait on food, to endure hunger pains? I imagine their impulses would die down and an improved self-control develop.

I know a family that allows only one of their children at each visit to get a happy meal at McDonald’s. The other kids get just a sandwich. Sounds unfair, right? The kids don’t mind though and are excited for whoever’s turn it is. They have had practice sacrificing their desires for the sake of another and now it’s natural. They seem to have lost that sense of entitlement that is so common among today’s child.

So lately I am in pursuit of ways to teach my children the beauty in sacrifice, so that they might be able to extend generosity beyond their little worlds of self fulfillment.How to Fight Selfishness in our Children - when we live in a Self-Centered Culture. Why do our kids fight? What is the heart issue behind it?

One way we are practicing this is through a Jar of Sacrifice. We bought an oddly-shaped sea glass jar from Old Time Pottery. This is the place where not just spare change goes. It is a jar that chore money and birthday money can go. Nobody counts or pressures, it is just our own family vessel to practice giving. There’s a saying “Give until it hurts and then keep giving until it doesn’t”. When my kids do chores now, they don’t think twice about throwing in some or all of that money. They are slowly learning to loosen their grip.

How to Fight Selfishness in our Children - when we live in a Self-Centered Culture. Why do our kids fight? What is the heart issue behind it?

When the jar is filled, we will have a family gathering to discuss how we are going to bless others with its contents. They already have ideas brewing. I look forward to figuring out how to get the money out of that tiny hole, and I am certain there will be pride as we total those little sacrifices along the way.

teaching kids to give

teaching kids to give

My prayer is that their hearts will take such joy in seeing how these sacrifices have directly blessed others, that they will naturally be generous givers with all that has been entrusted to them, even if a brownie is involved.

How to Fight Selfishness in our Children - when we live in a Self-Centered Culture. Why do our kids fight? What is the heart issue behind it?

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Sunday morning Clothing Battle

Sunday morning battleWhat do make your kids where to church and why?

(Lily was 5. This means her brothers were 1 and 2.)

Church starts in twenty minutes and the mad rush begins. I have laid out a pretty smocked dress from Lily’s closet. I scramble to feed the baby, fill sippy cups for the diaper bag, and dry my hair. I sense the protest from the other side of the house. The stomping gets closer as I hear the words I knew were coming,

“I am not wearing this dress!”
“Yes sweetheart, you are.”
Why?” she says with pleading.
“Because church is the house of God, and when we go there, we honor Him with our hearts and bodies. Our clothes are a representation of that. Your dress is beautiful and appropriate.” She pauses for a moment and then uttered the words which would change our Sunday mornings forever.
“That’s not why you want me to wear this dress. You want me to look pretty for the other moms! You don’t know what God thinks is beautiful on me!”

Bam! There it is. The truth I did not see. My conviction was instant. I had an image of how I wanted her to look on Sunday morning…in a cute dress with a big bow… for the other moms. I cringe writing that, embarrassed to admit it. She’s 5! Could I really be teaching her that her appearance, however fleeting, was the act of worship, not the heart behind it? Did I think I would be perceived as a better mom if my children looked a certain way? Honestly, maybe I would be. Did I really seek that validation?

DSC_0893

My eyes tear up and I apologize…not just for this morning but for all the Sunday mornings that we battled because of my pride. I humbly send her back to her room to choose an outfit that SHE thought honoring and pleasing to the Lord.

That was the last Sunday I ever laid out clothes for her. It took a few weeks to overcome my desire to explain the cowboy boots and mismatched outfits, but I eventually found tremendous confidence in not explaining it….because I knew that there was a little girl who truly felt beautiful to her Maker. Over the years her fashion taste has refined and our Sunday rush more peaceful, but when she comes to me seeking affirmation about her clothing, my question remains the same, “Do you feel it honors the Lord?”

So today, when I see a little girl in an adorable dress, I smile at the sweet vision, partly wishing Lily’s dresses had gotten more wear…and when I see a little girl with cowboy boots and a tutu strutting her stuff at church, my heart melts because I know God is looking down on her with great delight…His beautiful daughter twirling like a country ballerina as her act of worship.Sunday Morning battle

It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that should make you beautiful. 4 No, your beauty should come from inside you—the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. That beauty will never disappear. It is worth very much to God. 1 Peter 3:3-4

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Do I look pretty, God?